


K1SM3SS1TUD3 FOR DUMM13S

by vociferocity



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, Ladies Loving Ladies, Violent Makeouts, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-12
Updated: 2012-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-29 10:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/318680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vociferocity/pseuds/vociferocity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the perfect couple, or the perfect pretense?</p>
            </blockquote>





	K1SM3SS1TUD3 FOR DUMM13S

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally posted as part of round one of the homestuck shipping olympics (I was team captain of vriska ♠ terezi)! hilariously and also embarrassingly, it took me like months to notice it should be "kismesissitude", not "kismessitude". oops! oh well :D
> 
> also I wish I'd been able to toss vriska's quirk in there somewhere!

"I don't know," says John doubtfully, "I still don't see why you think you'd be perfect together..."

Vriska scowls at him. "We have a long history together," she says, in a tone of voice that says _don't argue with me_ , "you know that."

He shrugs. "He just doesn't seem like the kind of troll who'd be able to keep up," a pause in which she's sure he's about to say "with you", "in that kind of troll relationship."

Vriska waves one perfectly-manicured hand in a theatrical dismissal. "You don't know anything, john," she half-sneers at him, furious at having her judgment questioned like this. "If I say it's a good idea, it's a good idea. Now...help me work out how to snag him."

"Look, why don't you just date Terezi instead? She’s super pretty, and she'd be great at being a kissing-mesa, um. A kismesesa?"

She almost slugs him. And then she considers, and in a moment, the full, glorious plan snaps into view and she almost weeps with how perfect it is. "You’re a genius! I'll _pretend_ to be Terezi's kismesis, and that'll make him jealous for _sure_!"

John buries his face in his hands. The manicurists poke him chidingly until he relinquishes his hands back to them to be finished.

Eventually, after ice cream and popcorn and the thousandth rewatch of con air, both manfully pretending they aren't sniffling into their sparkly pink nails when Nicolas cage lovingly reunites with his wife and daughter, they end up falling asleep together on the couch.

"I just want you to know," Vriska says, half-awake and more serious than she'll later pretend, "I appreciate this."

John doesn't ask if she means the manicure, or the movie, or the love-life help. Probably because he's asleep. After a moment, Vriska is too.

  


The next day, Vriska immediately puts her plan into action; ringing Terezi’s doorbell at some ungodly hour of the morning.

The door opens slightly, chained to the frame, and shining glasses and teeth fill the gap.

"Yes?" asks Terezi.

  


"No."

"Oh come  _on_ , Terezi! You haven't even heard all the details yet!"

"I don't want to hear them. And I certainly don't  _need_  to hear them to know this plan is bad news."

Terezi and Vriska stand in the middle of the small, sunlit kitchen, glaring at each other. Or at least, Vriska is glaring, and Terezi is grinning even wider than usual. Vriska refuses to lose this. She puts her rapidly flaring temper on the backburner for a moment, and concentrates on everything their flarping days taught her about mind games.

She refuses to break the silence.

After a long, long moment, Terezi sighs. "fine." she says at last. "You said there'd be something in it for me. What is it?"

Vriska's mouth turns up in an approximation of Terezi’s shark-like grin. Caught her.

"Well," she says, drawing her triumph out, "you remember how  _fun_  flarping was, right?"

Terezi’s eyebrows go up behind those gleaming opaque glasses. "I don't know about you," she says, teeth bared in something even Feferi couldn't credit as a smile, "but killing  _innocent trolls_  isn't exactly my idea of a great night out. Besides, I didn't think you wanted to kill him."

Vriska hears the unspoken "again" loud and clear. She wants to roll her eyes, but settles for gritting her teeth. "I don't," she says carefully, "and that's not exactly what I was talking about. I'm talking about before the killing. Remember? When we'd  _manipulate_  everyone into thinking and acting how we wanted them to? You enjoyed that, I know you did!"

There’s an expectant pause.

"And you were good at it," adds Vriska grudgingly.

Terezi laughs, and if there's more to that obnoxious cacophony than sincerity, Vriska can't detect it.

"Okay," she says, grinning like a hyena, "Let’s do it. I don't think he's into you like that, or," she adds, teeth shining like a knife, "at all, but we'll play it your way."

  


It turns out, "play it your way" means making stupid jokes all the time about how Vriska is the most considerate kismesis around, which is the kind of insult that even Karkat finds a little tactless. It also means not touching her for a second, while also always being so close that Vriska can feel the tiny little hairs on their arms almost brushing. It also means making suggestive comments constantly, murmuring promises of violence into Vriska’s ear which are so creative and explicit they actually sometimes make her blush.

It’s fucking infuriating, and Tavros, dope that he is, just refuses to acknowledge that it's for his benefit. He even  _congratulated_  her on finding someone. john's not hanging out with her anymore, always coming up with some lame excuse about how she and Terezi should spend more time together now that they're a couple - which, hello? They’re  _not_ , and he  _knows_  that.

She wants to punch everyone, all of the time. john, for coming up with this stupid plan and then ditching her when she's most in need, Tavros for being an idiot 800% of the time, and Terezi for. Well, for being Terezi.

Things have to change.

  


It’s another stupidly early morning, and Vriska is outside Terezi’s house again. This time, she ignores the bell and knocks, loudly and rapidly, on the door. There’s a feeling inside her that she can’t identify, and it’s making her feel nervous and jittery and annoyed all over the place. She paces up and down on the porch for what seems an age before Terezi finally opens the door and lets her in.

  


They’re standing in the kitchen again, staring at each other, and Vriska is about to say something stupid, she can feel it welling up, but before she can, Terezi is on her like a speeding train, slamming her up against the wall. A surprised squeak escapes, and Terezi laughs against her skin before biting down, sharp teeth gnawing against her tough gray skin.

She pulls away, after a moment - or as far as she can, anyway. Vriska is a little horrified to notice she's already dug her talons into Terezi’s back, clinging to her and refusing to let go - mouth dripping with blue, and casually licks her lips.

Vriska makes an inarticulate, uncontrolled noise, and leans in, licking her blood off Terezi’s teeth. She can feel her control of the situation slipping away, and for once, she doesn't even care. She’s never felt like this before.

Terezi’s pressed flush against her in an instant, mouth hot and insistent on hers, and the heady taste of her blood is pulsating in her mouth to the same rhythm as the primal need thrumming just under her skin.

"Please," she whispers against Terezi’s mouth, not even sure what she's asking for. On the edge of her consciousness she's barely aware of her claws scraping down Terezi’s back, shredding her shirt and drawing lines of blood. She can almost smell it, can feel the power and the tension and the blood in the air, and she almost whimpers to realise she can't taste it when it's on the other side of where she is and if she moves she'll die.

Terezi is snickering madly, almost breathlessly, one hand full of sharp claws on her hip, and the other clutching the wall beside Vriska’s head. They’re pressed so close together they're almost one being, but for Vriska, it's still not close enough.

She bites down on Terezi’s tongue, draws blood with her sharp teeth, and the droplets all but explode when they touch her tongue. Vriska’s never felt this close to someone else in her life, wants to be inside Terezi and wants so badly to hurt her, and from the moans that Terezi’s laughter has devolved into, she's not the only one feeling like that.

Later, Vriska is never sure how long they stood there kissing, tangled in each other’s arms. It felt like only a moment, but when Terezi finally pulls away, wrenching her way out of Vriska’s painful grasp, Vriska’s knees are weak, she feels lightheaded, and her lips are not only swollen but drenched in hers and Terezi’s blood.

"Is that better?" Terezi asks, grin just as wide as always but suddenly insincere and awful in ways Vriska can't even begin to pinpoint.

Vriska’s reply is incoherent and indistinct, but Terezi seems to take it as assent. She always does.

The grin widens, if anything. "From now on," she says, a tinge of something like bitterness in her voice, "we're playing this my way."

And before she knows it, Vriska’s been ushered out of the house, blinking stupidly into the light of the weak human sun, clothes torn and covered in far too much blood.

  


Things  _have_  changed. Gone are the jokes, and the refusal to touch. the only thing that stays the same about Terezi’s treatment of her are the suggestive comments, only this time there's something more like a challenge in them. Their whole pretend relationship has become far too complicated.

Tavros still doesn't care, but suddenly Vriska can't bring herself to care about that. At first she thinks she's just become numb to life somehow, but john's constant "too busy to hang out!" still annoys her like nothing else.

So she hides from all three of them, spends time with Karkat and Eridan, watching terrible romantic movies and bitching out the stupid characters in them for making amazingly stupid decisions about dating the stupidest characters of all.

  


After a solid week-long rom-com marathon that's all but sapped her will to live, she's woken up early in the morning by a rapid knocking on the door. She’s not sure how she knows, but she's immediately positive it's Terezi.

She’s right, of course.

She lets her in, and they stand awkwardly in Vriska’s dark little kitchen. Vriska’s waiting for Terezi to make the first move. Terezi’s waiting for - well, who the hell knows.

"Vriska," Terezi says, and she looks so wrong without her grin that Vriska has no idea what to do, or how to feel, and this growing pit in her stomach isn't helping. "This isn't working."

"What isn't working," she snaps back immediately, hands reflexively clenching into fists. She can feel her nails start to bite into her flesh.

Terezi quirks an eyebrow, and although Vriska knows exactly what she's talking about, has known from the moment she walked in, she's still refusing to accept it.

"He’s not interested," Terezi says after a moment. "And you're clearly not either. Let’s just drop this now, okay?"

Vriska can feel that pit in her stomach widen into an abyss. Her mouth is dry and useless, and she has no more clever words to use.

She nods, slowly, and stands there silently as Terezi walks out of her house and out of her life.

  
It isn't until later, when she's washing the blood off her hands, that she starts to wonder. " _You’re clearly not either_ ". What had Terezi meant by that?

And then -

Oh.

  


It’s still early, and she's outside Terezi’s house. The door opens.

"What," Terezi bites out. It’s hard to see, behind the glasses, but it looks like there are dark shadows under her eyes.

"Play it my way?" Vriska spits at her, almost vibrating with rage. "Play it  _your_ way? You never wanted to  _play_  at all, did you?"

"What does it matter now?" Terezi sighs, looking more irritated than anything, and it still just feels  _so wrong_ , seeing her not grinning and cackling, that Vriska pushes the door open and forces her way inside, past Terezi.

The curtains have all been drawn, and it's darker in here than in Vriska’s house. It’s ridiculous. Terezi needs to snap the fuck out of this, Vriska thinks to herself, needs to stop acting like such an emo little bitch.

"You idiot," she snaps out, "I."

She stops. And scowls.

"I didn't..."

It’s harder than she'd thought it would be to actually get the words out, and she can feel an awkward cerulean flush rising.

Terezi tilts her head in surprised realisation, and Vriska watches her grin brighten like a sunrise, teeth gleaming like knives, and feels the tension of the last few weeks melt away under her heat.

"Oh," says Terezi, consideringly. She raises her eyebrows suggestively. "That good, huh?"

Vriska wants to punch her, and she also really wants to kiss her.

So she does both.


End file.
